I WONDER IF HEAVEN GOT A GHETTO?

Wud up people? Hi y’all doin? Even heaven knows dat am nice as hell (I took that from mode 9 ‘s contradiction), hope life is good with y’all? Well, it’s about 2 a.m right now and I cant sleep, not that am suffering from any form of insomnia, naa, but there is this issue that’s heavy on my mind and am like how can a nigga sleep with this ship load of shit in my mind? How about pouring it out and being free?

The Bible says “seek ye first the Kingdom of God and its righteousness and all other things will be added unto you”. No, am not preaching o, but why is it that reverse is the case? People seek the other things first and after they are thru , they now seek the Kingdom of God in a bid to buy out the man of God, buy God’s favor, build God a church, sponsor the pastor and buy business class tickets to Heaven, ha ha ha ha funny ha?

Nigga pleeease, the love of money and the bid to acquire it (loads of it) is of paramount importance in the society we find ourselves 2day, including those in the church working for God (or themselves), now… that’s the shit that got me mad. What the 4uck is a pastor doing with a fucking Bullet-proof Jeep? Sorry about the F word, but I use it more frequently when am stressed up or better still, when am pissed off, it saves me a lot of explaining, if you know what I mean. Tell me what a man of God would be doing with personal body guards? Tell me what kinda sermon is a man of God preaching by blaring sirens from a convoy of tinted glass jeeps breaking traffic laws like he is the governor or the president? God damn!

The Bible says that to be carnally minded is death and to be spiritually minded is life, that a carnal mind can never please God, that it is always hostile to God (Romans chapter 8, verses….. I have forgotten the verse sha), what is a man of God doing with 23 cars of various brands in his garage? Let me ask cos am confused here - Did Jesus have like 20 horses while He was on earth? Did He have body guards protecting him? Did He take advantage of the most beautiful chics in the church? Most of these men of God of our time are anti-Christ, yea nigga with no regret, put me on the national TV and am saying it in a less polite manner ( with a lot of curse words men). What is a pastor doing bidding for a contract in the ministry of works? What kind of pastor will be sleeping with the beautiful sisters in the choir? Aha………sound familiar? The Hearts of men (another 2PAC joint) is desperately wicked.

What is this world turning into? The pastors, who should help guide flock back to God, are the ones creating so much confusion today. The pastors who should be the ones who should be custodians of the truth have their tongues swimming in lies; no wonder the church bizness is the most lucrative in Nigeria. We are the most religious country in the planet, with millions of churches, yet one of the most corrupt countries in the globe, isn’t that contradictory, a joke perhaps. How come that it’s the church folk that do most of the duping today? Am not taking it easy with them fake Pastors, cos they should know better.

How can a pastor go to the devil to get magical powers to perform miracles, in order to deceive the public into believing that they (the pastors) are anointed? It serves all you miracle seekers right cos it was neva written any where in the scriptures that miracles will take you to heaven, I wonder why you are going around looking for some punk to perform some “abracadabra” shit for your ass and at the end you be like, men that pastor is really hot, this one is not, leaving God, the actual author and finisher of your faith? Is it some form of entertainment? Now people don’t pray to God, naa, they pray to their pastors without knowing it. On Sunday, you go to church to admire his new Pierre Cardin suit and Mauri shoes, dripping of miyake – the nigga come up to the pulpit looking like brad Pitt, okay nigga, you are really in Christ or are you the christ haa? Some pastors don’t carry their bibles anymore, they have people whose job title is to carry pastor’s bible, some auction their old suits in the church - eBay, and tell you to buy and get pastor’s extra anointing. What fucking anointing or special blessing am I gonna get from the dirty coat you wore in high school, ha? Dummy, this is idolatry, making your pastor some sort of demigod in your life, ha?

What the fuck is he thinking taking off his coat on the pulpit, showing off his fine ass shirt with colorful suspenders? Nigga hold your coat, and if u won’t be needing it, drop it on your seat your damn self or you would have left it in your car or office, don’t call some dude from the congregation or the ushers to come and take your lousy coat while you are preaching. Other wise, very soon you will feel too big and powerful that we would have to come and carry your punk ass to the pulpit to do your job (preach), you better watch it men, cos all eyes on u-(another 2pac’s classic).

I bet u don’t know that your fine boy pastor just received head (a BJ) from that fine sister in the choir who has been raising melodious choruses , what a sanctified way to receive motivation before coming to the pulpit to preach….to say the mind of God. Am not saying that there are no genuine men of God, naa, am like 90% of them are just enriching their asses, fooling their followers and taking advantage of the public. NEWS FLASH……… PASTORS’ CRIBS ON MTV BASE…………COMING SOON…it might get to that.

Am not saying that am the holy one, no, far from that, atleast you don’t see my ass on TV or on the pulpit preaching. I visited this pastor friend of mine in Lagos, I stepped into his compound, for a moment I thot I was in a Toyota show room, the cars were so many, in different colors and of various sizes, JESUS! Wat are u doing with all these? I asked, he only said “the Lord’s work”. “They were mostly gifts from brethren”, he added. Why not give some out I asked, and he was like.... “its all for the Lord’s use!” You don see mugu abi? Na me you dey deceive? It’s for the Lord’s use like say Jesus dey drive the cars.

These men of God are so carnal; their love for money is something else. His house was something else, furnished tastefully, for a second I wanted to assume that I was in the reception of some 5-star hotel in Dubai. He is still not married but young ladies troop in and out for deliverance and special prayers in his personal house at odd hours. Okay, enough said…. Na who u dey fool sef? Wat kind of deliverance would be taking place in your house with these young ladies who are dressed like they are going to a strip club at 11pm? Your guess is as good as mine. You better keep not just your eyes open but your nose and mouth when you go to such churches otherwise you would be caught napping.

I stopped attending nite vigils after I saw what happened in one church in Lagos. While some people are busy praying their souls out, others were outside getting laid in the dark, I thot it was all rumours until I saw with my own eyes men, I couldn’t believe it.
When I moved to Abuja and attended this church very close to where I stay. Men, we gave offering like 12 times, all the money I had on me wasn’t enough, the alter calls were endless.

If you are looking for a life partner, come out for special prayers, don’t come to the Lord empty handed…

Are you looking for the fruit of the womb? … What are you waiting for come out.

If u are looking for a better job… come out (who no want better job?), I commot now.

If u want God’s favor in all you do this year…… run out (wetin I go do, everybody dey go out, abi na only me go tanda dey look?),

If u need manifold supernatural blessings……don’t be ashamed….. jump out…… I jump out now.

If you need the outstanding overwhelming blessing…. come out….

If you require open heavens in your life and that of your family…. come out…

I said to myself… no more… I don tire, I no dey go again, the pastor now changed the format…

…come and sow and rebuke the devourer from your finances… the devil might be telling you not to give… don’t listen to the Devil… come out and sow… and… see what the Lord will do for you this week.

Omo the whole church comot, I had no choice, I came out too. I thot it would end there… for where?

Are you a banker, a doctor, a lawyer or an Engineer, come out….special alter call for professionals.

All business men and women run out for special fruitful offerings.

Are you in the oil industry?..... come out for more manifold blessings.

Students, if you want to be the head and not the tail… come out for the anointing of excellent spirit, be like the Daniel of our time, come out.

Are you in the military, The Lord has been good to you, come out for thanksgiving……….

Are you a Politician, come out… … if you want to win the next election. I even receive calls from Hilary Clinton and Obama, am their spiritual consultant, they are both consulting me…. To pray for them. I have already told them who will win… but I don’t want to let the cat out of the bag because of the press men amongst you, just wait for the election and see (Ole, thief), let which cat out of which bag, there is not cat in that bag you hear?

When I had no more dough… I went home… broke as hell... regretting … wondering what the fuck I was thinking going to that church in the first place?

Come to think of it, what kind of pastor will be sleeping with the honeys in the church, right there in his office all in the name of deliverance? Strange things are happening these days.

All these political robbers will embezzle our money, still they come to church and donate for this new church building project… sponsor the harvest… throw money around. The pastor, knowing that he got the money thru foul means will accept the cash and tell the congregation to pray for this wonderful vessel that the Lord has used to bless the church.

Okay o, is it because his tithe alone is more than what the entire church can put together? Well, the offering of a sinner is an abomination unto God, and God is so holy that His eyes cannot behold iniquity... (I know its written somewhere in the scriptures – just cant lay my finger on it right now). So I don’t know what the fuck you are talking about, me with all my sins, know that the man’s money is not clean, but you pastor don’t know? What kind of anointing did you say you have? Toronto anointing or china anointing, abi na Taiwan – (fake anointing)?
The shit that pisses me off the most is that a pastor (so called) has more titles than a Traditional ruler; I wonder where they buy this their fake doctorate degrees from? The shit is in vogue now; every pastor of any mushroom church in a car garage in a street corner has a PhD in philosophy or theology, from where now?

I heard of a church that has its own bank, Jesus Christ! What in God’s name is a church doing owning its own bank? – Accounting for its offering, tithes and watching over their investments? These days all the churches want to build their own universities, yes the Lord gave some men of God the vision to embark on such missions, and provided the funds of accomplishing such, but how come every church now has the same vision simply because it is now a lucrative bizness? Why are such schools not affordable to the common man, rather they are built to cater for only the rich (mostly the same politicians) who have robbed this country in the past.

Very soon now, Nigerian churches will be enlisted into the stock exchange for the public to invest by buying shares………ha aha ha ha ha very funny ha aha hahahahaha.
The painful thing is that, during a special festivities (like Christmas), when a Man of God is invited to come and preach in a congregation where you have these politicians and the leaders around, instead of taking advantage of the occasion to tell them the truth, tell them to stop punishing their people, stop stealing public funds, rather they preach cosmetic sermons of praise, extolling the virtues of the tyrants in power probably for the fear of their lives or as a result of the brown envelopes (or “Ghana must go” bags) they would receive after the sermon (sorry.. I meant praise sermon).

Today we will be talking about Joshua… you know that our president’s middle name is also Joshua, there even look alike… our president will take us to the Promised Land… say Amen. Yes with a Swiss bank account of like $12 billion dollars (US dollars not Canadian), owns an oil company, a bank, Mobile telecom company, a shipping line, owns the sea port, the wharf, a University and not to forget a big farm. One day, the man might start printing his own money!… while he is still alive (like Hakeem in coming to America)…. Who knows, he might even rename the country to bear his name, after all he owns the entire country.

For you guys in Europe or America, if you think Bill Gates is the richest man in the world, then you must be kidding… come down to Nigeria and you will be amazed how much money some people have… am talking of Billions of pounds sterling, yes Billions of British pounds stacked in vaults… in their houses. Some have enough cash to buy a small African country like Ghana and still tell them to keep the change!

Sorry for the digression, yes back to today’s topic:

How can you liken the former president to Joshua who would take us to the Promised Land when you know that he embezzled a large chunk of the public funds in his disposal for his selfish and personal use ( he even slept with his son’s wife…I read that somewhere….).

One pastor or reverend even announced that the Lord told him that he was going to win the last presidential elections, he crashed woefully (after the second attempt), who told you that you would win? Are u blind nigga? Even my 7 year old nephew could guess who would win that election and still guess right, let’s face it, it was a fixed match and everybody knew that the Power was to the People... who is fooling who?

The way this pastors are chasing and hustling for wealth, like 2PAC asked the question in one of his songs – “ I wonda if heaven got a ghetto, a place where they need to go and buy some houses, flashy cars and carrying on enjoying themselves, as if, if u die tonite (another 2pac song), you would take your cheque book along to the grave, or drive your bullet proof SUV to Heaven, is that what God told you to do, was that how Jesus was wining souls?

(Meen, what is it with me and 2PAC today)
To all the fake ass pastors, all them bling-bling pastors, fuck em all.


To all the true pastors doing God’s work with all their hearts, God bless you all, you know yourselves, the good Lord will never let you down, keep on doin wat you are doin, He will lift you up and enrich you in his own way. We appreciate all your efforts and am sure the “Lord knows” – (yet another 2PAC song).

Wow, yeah, my mind is free now, I can now go to bed…….until I come your way again , guide your faith jealously, don’t let no punk fool you around, signing out as usual is your boy- uchevelli.